Knowing

“I have tilled the earth and because of it, flowers grew,
So I know the Beauty of Life
I have had trials, troubles, and triumphs,
So I know the Faith of Life.
I have traveled down highways and byways, and walked with people of all races,
So I know the Companionship of Life.
I have sat in quiet meadows and fields in bloom,
So I know the Peace of Life.
I have seen things grow, wither and die as seasons change,
So I know the Circle of Life.
And because of all these wonders, I know the God of Life.

~Adapted from the dedication of Alice Rosemond-Gibbons

Stepping out on Faith

There have been so many times that I have struggled and stressed in a full-time job that wasn’t what I wanted to be doing or around the people that would inspire or motivate me as a Christian or as a woman. I told myself that the only reason that I stayed was because I had no choice, the benefits were good, it’s too hard to find another job, or some other mundane reason. I know now that the real reason that I stayed locked in a dead end job that almost drove me to insanity and serious health issues wasn’t trusting in the Lord. Let’s break it down…

When my beloved mother passed away, I found myself lost for a little while. I had an Associate’s Degree and leadership skills, and four small children. Since some of my older siblings had a history of wanting to see me fall down and not get back up, I decided I wouldn’t let my mother or my children down by giving in to my siblings’ spite. Ironically with one of my sister’s help, I started my own dessert catering business. The business started to take off faster than my sister’s salon as more people loved the taste of my homemade desserts. Soon, I was getting requests for high end tea and garden parties. I was ecstatic and stupid. My prices were too low and my profit was too. I made a bad decision to get a part time job and leave a jobless family member in charge of some catering jobs. It didn’t take long before I had to dissolve the business due to bad customer service and tasteless product going to repeat customers. The family member had helped me in my greed and naivety to ruin a growing business. I swallowed my pride and disappointment and stayed on at the part-time retail job.

After awhile, I used my fast learning and leadership skills to promote to the low commission shoe department at the retailer. I was relieved because now, I had a more set schedule, but the majority of the staff were women who immediately felt intimidated by me. The drama began and ended finally when I was upgraded to the high commission of appliances. Older people, less drama, and more money; at least that is what I thought. The older people were sharks with sharp tongues and equally intimidated because I was Black and spoke Spanish. I persevered and lasted long enough to become a manager with stable hours and stable income. Little did I know that the demands of that position would lead me to want more for me and my children. I wanted more time with them and more time to really find myself, but I kept coming up with more excuses to not leave. Finally, I got a side job as a business consultant for a established business that needed exposure. I jumped at the chance even though I made up most of what I needed to do and it was largely successful. I helped them and they helped me. They took me and my children under their wing with more business knowledge and a generous salary with benefits. My life began to settle into a pattern, and I felt less like I was lost without my Mama.

It wasn’t long before a friend of mine reminded me that I had promised my mother that I would get my four-year degree and proceed to law or graduate school. I shrugged off the reminder until God gently nudged me until I stopped in to Dallas Baptist University one day and found out that I could finish my degree faster than I had thought because of my Associate Degree credits. I enrolled and proceeded to take classes with my demanding retail schedule. I kept this up until God opened up a door for me to leave the retail world behind and concentrate on just my studies. I still felt lost because I was an older college student without a job and trying to care for my four children. God laid His Mighty Hand on the situation again and sent me my wonderful and supportive husband who began shouldering my burdens and sharing my triumphs. I obtained a job as a home health administrator and lost it six months later to internal conflict and jealousy. Again, I felt lost, but God provided me with income, and I was able to walk with my head held high and tears flowing to receive my B.A.S in Criminal Justice and Business Administration. I felt so complete that it took me a week to come down from that natural high.

The problem began when I came down from the high to accept a job with the State of Texas that gave me the fulfillment of client service but didn’t value my skills and intellect. So many of my coworkers would be baffled as to why I stayed in the job when I was so smart and commanding. Some of them ridiculed me severely when I finished my first two books (www.breakingthelinebooks.com) and still remained employed. I got several puzzled looks from them when I founded the anti-bullying nonprofit (www.stoppingthemadness.org) because they couldn’t understand why I was about to kill myself with a nervous breakdown and heavy stress filled workloads as I remained employed as a caseworker. I would just shake my head because all those excuses were running through my head. Yes, the job was stressful to the point that I would sit in my car breathing heavily everyday because I just didn’t want to log into the system and see the workload. Panic attacks and stress pills filled my day until I knew that I couldn’t take it anymore. It was just too much for any human to try to do, so I prayed for peace. Well, that didn’t happen because I just got more cases, so I prayed for understanding. Yep, didn’t get that either. I was at a loss and started to feel myself drifting, so I prayed for guidance and wisdom. It was then that I felt the not-so-gentle nudge to trust and believe that My Father God had a different path for me. It was time for me to step out on faith. I talked to my husband, and we prayed that it was time. When I handed in my resignation, the weight that I had been feeling lifted, and the path that God had for me opened in so many ways.

Stepping out on faith is what drives me to be the best self-employed minority business owner and nonprofit founder this side of the Mississippi. Breaking the Line Books will publish several books in the next year including the last two of my Victoria’s Journey series. Stopping the Madness Antibullying Foundation will be a nonprofit that will bring an end to bullying and provide resources and tools for families that need it. I realize that now I have truly found my faith because all I had to do was trust in God.

The Village

Recently, I blogged about the progress of my anti-bullying organization, Stopping the Madness Antibullying Foundation, http://www.stoppingthemadness.org. We are not only addressing bullying in schools, but we are actively developing a program to train parents and teachers to address bullying when it happens with respect to students’ privacy. Now, I know that some of you would say that if a student decides to bully doesn’t deserve privacy, but do we really want the victim to be put on the spot too? I have been researching material and the behaviors of students and you will not believe what parents and students revealed that most teachers don’t think twice about doing. Let’s break it down…

In addressing Andrew’s bullying, his SMAF assigned advocate and I spoke to him extensively about his daily school activities. Leading us through his day, we found several common denominators. One, the teachers are not really paying attention during the passing period. Two, the teachers have a habit of calling out a students’ issues in front of the class. Three, the teachers say that they want the parents more involved, but when a parent contacts them, there is almost guilt or defensiveness to their response. It was an “ah ha” moment. Could it be that in during the education, training, certification, and hiring process a breakdown of the increased responsibility for teachers is missing? Don’t get me wrong, I respect the teaching profession because I know that I would not be able to do what they do. There’s the flip side that a lot of teachers apply and are hired that don’t like kids or it was easier to get a teaching job than anything else with a Bachelor’s degree. That’s a problem to me because as a parent and an advocate, I know that those kinds of teachers don’t have a care for how children are educated or treated…it’s just a job. However, with the increase of bullying incidents in schools and homeschooling, we have to examine that common denominator and find a solution. As a parent, I try to work with the teachers and administrators to help my children succeed in school with the least amount of direct involvement. In other words, I am involved without stepping on toes or interfering with my children’s education, but lately, I am forced to step on toes because there’s something missing. As an advocate for SMAF, I am more involved in the education of all children and parent involvement. It is a necessity as I interview other children that have been bullied for my book, The Faces of Bullying, Vol. 1. What I found is that this younger generation just needs someone to have their back(www.breakingthelinebooks.com) at home and at school. Does that make them needy? In my opinion, no, that makes them a child. I have begun to meet with parents to understand their parenting goals and teach them how to be an effective advocate for their own children. My goal is to partner SMAF with school districts to provide a solution to the growing chasm between parents and teachers. The PTA just isn’t enough anymore.

In order for us to have a successful and driven young generation, parents and teachers need to have a bridge to cross without any communication becoming negative. Mutual respect is definitely necessary, and the question becomes with all of the negative press about students and teachers lately, how do we reinforce that respect in the classroom? Do we allow a teacher to berate a child in front of their peers just so that their peers can tease and harass that child about it later? Do we keep allowing bullies to get away with their actions because there is a fear of repercussion from the parent or just too much paperwork to deal with during class time? When corporal punishment was taken out of schools, did that tie teachers’ hands to what they think they need to do to make sure that all of the children in their care receive an education when they have a disruptive child in the same class? Is this method of teaching effective or does it create bullies and victims outside of the classroom? Can parents and community organizations provide more than moral support with the stressful lesson plans that teachers have to provide to their districts to ensure their employment? Can we provide other avenues of employment for those teachers that are just there for the paycheck?

All valid questions, but it’s going to take time, money, and patience to find the answers. I’m not saying that teachers are bad; please do NOT think that I am saying that. As parents, it is our job to make sure that the teachers that educate our children have as much support as possible from us. As teachers, parents entrust the care and minds of their children for seven hours of the day. It’s so important in this day and age to fall back to the old saying, “It takes a Village”.

Stopping the Madness Antibullying Foundation’s motto is “Stopping the Madness of Bullying, one client at a time.” At this time, we provide tele-counseling with State of Texas Certified Counselors, SMAF advocate certification training, motivational speeches by me, and a bullying support group. I created this foundation because as a parent, I was tired of the breakdown of communication between me and my children’s school. Please feel free to share this blog and donate to our cause because we have to start paying attention to what goes on in the “Village”.

Why does it have to be about color?

Recently, I saw part of the interview with TV twins, Tia and Tamera on the OWN channel about the negative reactions to Tamera’s interracial marriage. To say the least, I was appalled that there is still an issue with interracial dating/marriage, but having that sort of marriage myself, I can relate to Tamera. The question is, why is it such a big deal? What is the difference, and why does color matter? Let’s break it down.

My former husband was from Mexico, and I can honestly say that there was hardly any negativity about our marriage. Whenever it was brought up, it was his black male friends. They would joke with him about my figure or looks, but it wasn’t a narrow eyed stare down. I barely noticed because my mother was a multiracial woman who taught us to be colorblind, and he never paid it any attention because he told me that Mexicans come in all colors. Hmm..

My current husband is white, and I can tell you that I have heard some of the same things that Tamera has heard and probably worse. The sad thing is that most of the insults or negative comments have come from some black people. “Why you have to go to the white side?” “He ain’t go nothing for you” “All that a** wasted on that white man” “Girl, you came up on a lick” “Why couldn’t you find a black man to marry” “What’s wrong with you?” “Sell out” “Wanna be white girl” “I bet you let him call you a n***a in private” These are just some of the comments that have been thrown at me over the five years that my husband and I have been together. The sad part is that some of them have come from so-called friends. Suffice to say, they are no longer friends. Every once in a while though, an older white person will stare and shake their head, but nothing is said. I chalk this up to an old, lingering prejudice and laugh it away.

I have seen studies and surveys that give the rising percentages of interracial marriages. I have also seen studies where America is one of the only countries that stress the separation of black and white or put black on a birth certificate if only one parent is black. Why is it so hard to accept that America is no longer a white or black America but a brown America? We are a mixed up stew of cultures and identities because that was the original intention of our forefathers, so in my opinion, get over the color issue and move on. There’s nothing that can be done about it, so just accept it.

In the end, it is not about the color of one’s skin, it is about the feelings and emotions that someone has for another person. Color just doesn’t matter as much anymore. I know it doesn’t for my happy marriage.